Mamas Need Friends — Who Said I Have to Stay Home?

I tell people that 2019 was one of the best years of my life. I don’t say it to brag, I say it because I’m truly grateful for this chapter in my life. One of the reasons this year was particularly great was that I reconnected with old friends, and even made a couple of new ones.

I’ve now been a mom for just about 5 years. I can’t believe I’ll have a 5 year old next month! It seems like she was just turning 3 yesterday. With that being said, for the past 5 years, my life has seriously gone into overdrive: raising a kid, getting married, buying a house, remodeling a house, going back to school, having another baby, graduating, starting a new position, travelling. Looking back, there’s absolutely no way I stayed sane through all of the transitions in my life without my friends.

Lately I’ve been working on building my social media presence to retain the following that I have, and also to grow my followers. I want more eyes on my blog. and I want more opportunities to monetize my content. Instagram Stories has been a great way for me to engage and connect with others. I often receive uplifting message about my kids being cute, or me being a good mom, and one of the best messages I received was “I hope my kids are this happy. You such a good mom.”

The thing about social media is that people don’t really know your life, right? They know what you want them to know, rather what you want them to think. On social media, I am effortlessly being a great mom, posting happy photos with my husband, posting stories of my kids smiling and singing, and showing my dedication to my career while maintaining a household. I mean that’s kind of the idea behind this blog.

In reality though, there are a lot of things that I’m working on and working through. I have a lot of challenges in my life that don’t belong on the internet. My personal life is just that. That’s where friends come in.

Friends Know the Real You

At home, I’m in full mom mode. Changing diapers, giving baths, making sandwiches, reading children’s books, begrudgingly watching cartoons, fixing a broken toy, breastfeeding, and the list continues. It’s easy to get lost in the motions of child rearing and household management. Sometimes my husband is the love of my life, but usually at home, he is my assistant manager and we are tossing kids at one another like its an assembly line. Talking to a friend reconnects me with myself: who I am, and who I was before my primary roles became mother and wife. I am still her, maybe just not as visible, but always visible to my friends. I talk to at least 3 of my closest friends consistently several days a week. One in Pittsburgh, one in LA, and one in Australia. My closest friends aren’t close in proximity, but even thousands of miles away, it’s through them that I retain sanity knowing that the Angela within is very much still here, and not going anywhere.

Friends Are Supportive

Sometimes you just need someone to talk to. Someone to vent to. Someone to even complain to, and ramble about things that piss you off. Sometimes you need advice. Sometimes you just need someone to hear your side of the story. Sometimes you desperately need someone to validate your feelings. We all need support, especially mothers. For me, I don’t find the parenting aspect of motherhood to be difficult, I mostly find the effects of motherhood to be draining. Dealing with family dynamics, budgeting, finding time for oneself. My friends lift me up when I’m overwhelmed. They encourage me to take care of myself. They don’t judge me, and when I talk with them, I know I am truly in a safe space.

Friends Keep You in Check

You need people in your life who are going to push you to do better in all aspects of your life, not just as a glorified mother. I was just talking to my friend Cassia about blogging, and asking her feedback, and she told me that I needed to post more often. Another good friend of mine had also made the same suggestion just a few months ago. A person who cares about you will tell you the truth. While maybe I knew that I should be more consistent with writing on here, hearing it from them was important to me. Today actually, Cassia and I had a very open and honest conversation about our South Africa trip. We’ve traveled together several times, but this was our first international trip. We discussed how we felt travelling with each other on such a big trip, and how we feel we could fare better in the future (because there will be a next time)!

Friends Indulge Your Silliness

I love my friends, because with them, I am my most uncensored, fun, and crazy self. Inside jokes from high school resurface, memories from over the years come up, endless laughter. With friends, I am happy, I am free. I can cut loose a little, while the kids are out of our presence. I can use words that I don’t get to use at home lol. I can chat about subjects that I have to contain to closed rooms in a house with kids. Friends allow me an outlet to just take a breather. Travelling to South Africa this year with my best friend will be one of my most cherished memories. I don’t need a whole lot of this kind of fun, but every once in a while is enough to make my life as a mom more enjoyable and eventful.

This post is dedicated to Cassia. Happy Birthday!